So I decided to be a little more radical and in turn be a little more me in doing this. Fuck all of you non-smoking assholes. Weed is awesome. Drugs are good and Jesus is gay. No, really, Jesus is gay, I read it myself.
Jesus was walking near the water (his training for walking on the water) and he came across a guy named Levi who had some tax related issues or he was a tax collector, one of the two, I can't be sure which.
Anyway so Jesus sees him and thinks, "Wow! How hot is that! A guy whose job it is to take money from people and make them miserable. He must never get laid because all the women would be traitors to their families if any of them slept with him. Yeah by now he probably hates women. I so have a shot."
So Jesus miraculously got naked and said to him "Leave all your things and fuck me." This man immediately got transformed at seeing the Lord's presence in front of him (a bit too much of his presence). So, keeping his eyes transfixed on Jesus and his supposedly awesome bod, he slowly started to take off his clothing and then he said, "Yes lord I will fuck you." Then Jesus got scared of the idea of anal penetration and the problem of the not-yet-invented-lube so he had to think really fast so he said, "I am the bearer of good things. I do not taketh, (wink in his eye and a slight smile on his face) I giveth!"
Then the Lord rode the man missionary style, for the man wanted to keep his eyes on the magnificent Lord and did not want to bend over. The Lord rode him hard until the sweet jesus juice came out of him like many strikes of lightening in the mans most intimate and private cavity on his body. The man, his eyes still transfixed and his ass badly bleeding now, asked the Lord, "Lord, how was it for you?"
And the Lord said, "It was good."
Lubricants were widely used by Sumerians and Egyptians some 3500 years before Jebus was born. Think about it, wheels existed way before Jebus, so someone's bound to have invented lubricants.
ReplyDelete