It's limericks time

This time I threw in a little graphic poem to start things off and then we move on to the limericks section. So suspend your disbelief and sit back to limericks galore

The man who has homicidal tendencies
He feels love for none
So puts up his walls
And slaughters his son


He killed his wife
His daughter too
He even killed the giraffe
When he broke into the zoo

(the giraffes are evil, they must die, Eddie Izzard believes in evil giraffes too, just watch "Eddie Izzard: Glorious")

(now on to the limericks)

There once was a man who lived on ice floes
How he lived that way, still nobody knows
He was found in a real bed
Getting some pretty good head
For once he chose hoes before floes


There once was a very old virile geezer
who serviced a girl while listening to Weezer
She found it pleasant and juicy
His tongue in her moisturized pussy
Poor bastard then died just trying to please her


Mary had a little lamb whose fleece was white as snow
And every where that Mary went, the lamb was sure to go

She snorted much cocaine
It went straight to her brain
The lamb then asked if her if he could finish off the blow


There once was a woman with a nice rack
and a sexy angel tattoo on her back
She had too much small dick
This habit she'd kick
So now all the guys she does are black


They say Robin Hood was a lie, he did not exist
And Maid Marian was a woman that he never kissed
From the porno I had seen
A good marksman, he hadn't been
Because he aimed his cum for her mouth and then missed

Some advice for men everywhere

• If you feel the need to sneeze coming on then rush to the bathroom, pull down your pants and start peeing. When you actually sneeze, you will find that you have peed completely and instantly in one second
• If you're unemployed then don't spend money on prostitutes and if you are employed then paying them by the month will actually turn out to be cheaper if you're really horny.
• Remember that zips on pants are our friends even if you are being invaded by terrorists and a bullet lands somewhere in your body. This will still be less painful than having your pee pee caught in your fly. Remember to always take your time. The terrorists will probably think of you as a real man for doing so.
  
• If you're banging a woman who has kids, remember to bang her in your place or at a hotel and never where her kids are around. You don't want to say no to some brat who's asking you whether you're his dad when your dick is having the time of his life.
• If in doubt, use a condom. If still scared about the "Only 97% effective" label on condoms and you can take some pain, get a vasectomy. If too cheap or scared to keep condoms, cut your dick and balls off and make that area into a pussy, you pussy.
• A woman doesn't want to wait all night to come so don't think that being able to go for an hour makes you better. However, if you can make her come 3 times in an hour, that's worth practising for. If she can do the same to you, she's a keeper.
• The best answer that you can give when someone asks you "How did you do that?" is "With my penis" and is a much better answer when said person is pointing to a hot chick that you banged
  
• (Euphemism Warning) It is better to ask for warning first or if that condition exists than feel like a freshly sprayed watered plant later
• Men should remember to be men. On my planet, we were so man enough to handle everything that all we had to do was approach a woman we fancied and tell her to bend over. The woman knew that I was man enough to be banging her in the middle of the day in public. It meant that I had taken care of things at home and at work plus time for self improvement and this is the time left over random power sex.We were man enough to handle our sex and man enough to handle our responsibilities. I understand one or more tribes in Africa follow the same custom.
  
• Finally I wish all the men to not get or give STDs to or from any sideways talking desperate sluts out  there.