Some advice for men everywhere

• If you feel the need to sneeze coming on then rush to the bathroom, pull down your pants and start peeing. When you actually sneeze, you will find that you have peed completely and instantly in one second
• If you're unemployed then don't spend money on prostitutes and if you are employed then paying them by the month will actually turn out to be cheaper if you're really horny.
• Remember that zips on pants are our friends even if you are being invaded by terrorists and a bullet lands somewhere in your body. This will still be less painful than having your pee pee caught in your fly. Remember to always take your time. The terrorists will probably think of you as a real man for doing so.
  
• If you're banging a woman who has kids, remember to bang her in your place or at a hotel and never where her kids are around. You don't want to say no to some brat who's asking you whether you're his dad when your dick is having the time of his life.
• If in doubt, use a condom. If still scared about the "Only 97% effective" label on condoms and you can take some pain, get a vasectomy. If too cheap or scared to keep condoms, cut your dick and balls off and make that area into a pussy, you pussy.
• A woman doesn't want to wait all night to come so don't think that being able to go for an hour makes you better. However, if you can make her come 3 times in an hour, that's worth practising for. If she can do the same to you, she's a keeper.
• The best answer that you can give when someone asks you "How did you do that?" is "With my penis" and is a much better answer when said person is pointing to a hot chick that you banged
  
• (Euphemism Warning) It is better to ask for warning first or if that condition exists than feel like a freshly sprayed watered plant later
• Men should remember to be men. On my planet, we were so man enough to handle everything that all we had to do was approach a woman we fancied and tell her to bend over. The woman knew that I was man enough to be banging her in the middle of the day in public. It meant that I had taken care of things at home and at work plus time for self improvement and this is the time left over random power sex.We were man enough to handle our sex and man enough to handle our responsibilities. I understand one or more tribes in Africa follow the same custom.
  
• Finally I wish all the men to not get or give STDs to or from any sideways talking desperate sluts out  there.