Behold, I'm holding a duck

Dad was very angry when he found this duck. He said,
"Sebastien, why do have this duck with you? Are you ducking now?"
And I immediately went,
"No, no dad. I swear it's just for a friend. It's not mine. I would never duck. I'm just holding it for a friend" Of course I didn't tell him that he wasn't my dad and that my name was actually John and I was really a parrot with human hands. Luckily, he really was somebody's dad.
"Are you sure? Because if I find out that you're ducking behind my back then..." His voice trailed off. I couldn't be sure of what came after 'then' but I didn't want to find out.

He turned around and walked towards the table and reached for an apple. I honestly thought he just wanted an apple but no, he swirls around like an expert baseball pitcher and throws it at me. Using my quick parrot reflexes, I do the natural thing that any parrot would do in this situation. I duck and then he says
"Aha."
I say "Aha what?"
"Aha you ducked and you did it behind my back."
I said "No I ducked in front of your back"
"You ducked in front of me? Have you no shame? Don't you respect your parents? I thought I raised you right. I'm very disappointed" He suddenly had a very disappointed look on his face which probably went with what he said when he said that he was disappointed.

Anyway, I said "No dad, it's not you, it's me. I've been going through a lot lately. Last night I noticed I had no seeds in my bowl and I was very sad. I didn't want to worry you by telling you about it."
"Oh son, you know you can tell me anything." (If it's getting a bit weird at this point don't worry this post, like many others really has no point) "Here son, have some weed and give me a hug."
He came rushing at me with the pot of weed to give me a hug and hugged me. He then said
"Son why don't you hug me back?" I wanted to tell him it was because I had wings and the hands were my feet and my brain was made of foam but this man was really emotional so I just said
"I'm sorry dad, I've been ducking so much lately, I'can't even lift my arms"
"Oh son we're going to get you all the help you need. Let's start by getting you laid. Isn't there any girls you know whom you like who would be willing to fuck you for 20 grand?"
Normally I would accept this offer but I would rather have the money myself. So I told him...well I told him nothing and flew straight out of there, duck in hand.

The last thing I heard him say, "Oh I guess my son must've had that sex change because he now uses 'Wings' "

(o_O)